amniöt Experiencer Notebook

<pre>
if you stay naive you can remain innocent of everything.
"the exposure of innocence is a lie"
the joy you share with others is also my joy.
give me all your attempts to make me sorry. to addict me to sorrow.
it is fun to wander into the clouds but carelessness attracts malignant forces and to stay high you walk on our backs.
<!--but it was them that made you afraid to be in your body.
you want me not to care but it hurts you if i don't.-->
i'm either really ignorant about knowing what i want or really persistent about getting what i want
<!--if no one's problems are worse than anyone else's, how come i'm always taking care of you?
you are so in-tune naturally that it doesn't surprise me that malignant forces would be drawn to you before you able to defend them on your own on their plane [ie, astral,etc]
you don't have even the decency to comment on my efforts to be near you. please stop stringing me along with your cutesy games. goo'bye-->
</pre>

<p>This dream wasn't like the others<br/>
It was a dark warehouse like the others<br/>
But darker<br/>
Too dark<br/>
We enter groundfloor<br/>
There was a group (5) that split<br/>
Then just two of us (Liz)<br/>
We are in a strange room with what appears to be a shaft with large pipes running through it that leads sort of both up and out.<br/>
The monsters didn't appear physical<br/>
They came in and out of astral vision<br/>
And yet they seemed to manifest physically when attacking<br/>
As usual, my dream self is trained in battle<br/>
It is quick to detect the creature with both physical eyes (during attack) and astral eyes (before and after movements)<br/>
And bury a large heavy pointed kitchen knife into the face of any attackers<br/>
Liz insists on climbing through this shaft which is even more grimly lit than the room connected to it<br/>
They attack, I must exit shaft to fight<br/>
Liz continues in<br/>
When I'm able to return there is a green blue glowing astral demon feeding from Liz' neck, she appears weak, I cannot tell if it is glowing red astral blood or physical blood at her neck.<br/>
I attempt to banish by drawing blue white glowing pentagram and sending it at the demon...<br/>
I wake, the results utterly unclear.<br/>
<br/>
fell back to sleep.<br/>
then i saw a sculpture that i woke up and saw on ebay [see photos]<br/>
it was so clear and like drawn on paper ready for me to wake up and draw it<br/>
but i saw it before i got around to drawing.....<br/>
<br/>
then i thought of a temple whose architecture embodied the formula: IHVH...<br/>
basically it looked as the Stele of Revealing only horizontal so to be seen from above as the whole....<br/>
<br/>
-Ocularpore, March 21, 2011, Luna in Scorpio, Sol in Aries
</p>

<p>
i do love you: the precious few who still support me in the dark hours* of my Metamorphosis.
when my skin is tender with the remnants of broken sentiments and i strike-out** at thy delicate touch.
i realize this process hurts us both.
</p>
<p>
also do i love all of Mankind and its putrid over-emphasis on mundaneness***, for it understandeth not its circumstance (yet).
the thick-headed throngs grow thicker and the Masters must rise ever further**** to meet the challenges.
then also do i love the Masters who teach: there is no Work worth doing but the betterment of the Life around you (and everywhere).
all creatures possess divine gnosis and come from that same source, so then do i love all fellow creature (on and off world).
</p>
<p>
yes i go all the way this way: away from my own mundaneness, my ugly cyst/chance for growth called: lack of intimacy.
all the way to my truer Self who needeth not feedback to exist.
there is yet a Self beyond this, which is Not at All, which is both Self and Selfless.*****
stability necessitates dynamics, laws are there so the change engine can operate.
you are that engine, you are those laws. jump into the spiral stream******, make your impression in the fabrics of the halls of the &#198;ons.
as it is written: "Existence is pure Joy."*******
</p>
<div class="note">* before the dawn</div>
<div class="note">** "my defenses become offenses" - a. thaws</div>
<div class="note">*** "you despise what i love - you despise, i love" - m. gira</div>
<div class="note">**** on the more rarified planes of becoming</div>
<div class="note">***** see: <a href="http://hermetic.com/crowley/libers/lib1.html">liber i v.15</a></div>
<div class="note">****** of 93+696=789</div>
<div class="note">******* see: <a href="http://hermetic.com/crowley/libers/lib31al/2-2.html">liber al, c.2 v.9</a></div>

<pre>
experimentation = invocation = divination
alchemy = goetia = qabalah
SCIENCE = RELIGION = PHILOSOPHY
dualism = monism = nihilism
2 = 1 = 0
wisdom = understanding = knowledge
3 = 8 = 1
trances/paths: mechanica/fortune = joy/sorrow = self/less
0 = 3 = 2
Mercury = Sulphur = Salt
</pre>

<pre>the strongest weapon is the mirror
i fight my enemies with naught else
for self-centeredness is the most self-less possibility</pre>

<p>I need no one. No one is worth my time. You are fucking twisted and I'm done telling you so. Bye twitter, last post.</p>

<p>there was a time when I gave up everything for this race. But it was a mistake, you are fucking cruel, replaceable and left me in your shit</p>

<p>You built tall walls to keep me out but keep your selfish shit on display. You shit on my life everyday. Fuck you, you're disgusting.</p>

<p>Just do what you do best and leave me the fuck alone</p>

<p>You're fucking sick. You empower yourselves through abuse only to abuse others. I fucking hate you</p>

<p>Fuck you fuck you fuck you. Fuck every person on this planet for restricting me and forcing me into the shadows. I hate you</p>

<p>you hateful selfish fucks never gave me a chance, your campfire is no longer alluring or necessary</p>

<p>You are a filthy and disrespectful species, I'm bored of studying you, fucking bored, you fucking disgusting fucks, fuck you</p>

<pre>
<!--remember when i asked you to marry me?
and you wouldn't even give me a straight answer?-->
you may love me unconditionally but you do not want me.
if you do then what's stopping you?
<!--from being with me unconditionally?-->
what has always stopped you?
is it that i show weakness, humanness?
i cannot constantly play God and let you transgress all modes of my human selfness.
i am meant to be like this: vulnerable.
how you truly feel about me you will not say.
you prefer power but your power corrupts you, to balance power takes responsibility.
<!--no one wants to be the loser of the pretty princess contest 100% of the time.-->
i gave you everything i had to give.
and you rejected me because i hurt.
because my ego takes power occasionally.
when you turn away.
all i ask is for mercy.
help cleanse me of my ignorance.
if i could understand then i can overpower it.
<!--and relocate some sort of balance in my emotional life.-->
you do what is easy
because you don't like to sleep alone.
i thought i gave you a new home
what about me wasn't enough?
you were too high to remember.
i was too high to not notice and record every acute detail.
tell me, tell me, tell me, am i accursed?
i forgive you but i do not trust you
</pre>

<p>thanks to <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/eternalart">eternalart</a> for the curtain!</p>

<p>funny how we think we can see so much of our world with the naked eye - not so!</p>
<p>i've come to this approach to life: be excited for death yet focused on life... death in this shell to me seems like the beginning of high adventure...</p>
<p>yeah, but you need an ultra elite electron microscope to get those badass shots<br/>
normal ones are good for bigger stuff///less alien stuff<br/>
yet still pretty alien</p>
<p>yeah the material world seems so big and uncharted but comparing that with the kabbalistik idea that even the material is just one of 10 spheres [or dimensional emanations]<br/>it seems even more ...... infinite</p>
<p>...... whoa... i want a microscope.</p>
<p>u can also tune yr visual cortex [part of brain] into hidden visual zones.... take 1/3 the bag ov shrooms in yr freezer and close the eyes, u will see it, i bet</p>
<p>the importance of being an entity is experiencing the lifetime... therein one becomes cocreator with the 'god' that initiated your life... that god's joy is in experiencing your experience... [that god which is then, in the end, also seen to be yourself]</p>

<p>
<a href="http://www.banksy.co.uk/outdoors/outvarious/images/tableimages/sanfrando... rel="external" class="morelink">way better/daytime shot @ banksy.co.uk</a>
</p>