Disappearance Take 2

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2009Oct24

Journal Entry
Friends Disappearance Take 2

no one seems to care about other people's darkness.. so i'm just sealing it off until i trust that someone truly is
healing seems pretty much a personal thing, trying to help is like a termite trying to assist a NASA mission...

the rejection i feel is not really anyone else's concern
i guess i only tried to include other's in it because i was too weak to be ok with taking time to disconnect
i don't really think it would help anyone heal
whenever i include people in the details of it it leads to disaster
plus i will not allow the chance of negatively altering relationships beyond my own by saying too much about my observations

i've decided instead to just love and not want any expectation/trust bonds
i have yet to feel like i can trust someone
but i will accept less-involved relationships
because there is much value there
though it may not be all that plausible for someone like me
to want to continue into much deeper waters without including the darkness in the pre-conditional work
i guess i was hooked (i guess egoically) on the desire to forge a main partnership with someone
i feel like i should stop corresponding with you over topics about my inner process