working on staying there (which cannot directly be worked on, though raising awareness can help).
want to feel ok again. can't seem to discover what the fuck is going on in me. i guess i feel neglected, worthless, uncreative... the main illusions of egoic control. it's like a knife is stuck deeply and its wound radiates fire. smoke from that fire clouds all perception.
resistance there. my own choice. to be alive is to resist. i can only lessen it through love... as you aptly noted as your intention: "ego - quiet"
all clarity so fleeting... trying to understand for so long. seems so easy for so many others. and it really is simple, the simplest things are the hardest to swallow.
