<p>
I dreamed someone was attacking me over and over with a knife, while dodging
the knife stabs the attacker would be biting me to an excessively painful
level, I wonder if I was crying out in my sleep, it was that intense. I
found this more interesting when I woke up and realized my brother had just
had his <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anterior_cruciate_ligament" rel="external">ACL</a>
replacement surgery this morning. I called him and he said he was scared as
hell after being brought into the O.R. and viewing the palettes of cutlery
and surgical machinery, but everything went well, he's currently dosed on
Vicodin and should be able to walk again in a couple weeks.
</p>
<div class="thought_break">thought break</div>
<p>
I'm out of 5-HTP, my depression smashing placebo. I feel very alone right
now.<!-- I'm done acting like I've got anything to offer anyone.-->
</p>
<p>
My camera's batteries are dead, I've had no photos of anything to put up
here recently. So here's an older one:
</p>
<p>
I desire death, I long for the glories it shall provide. I also desire to
drink deeply of the experiential subtleties of life. The time here is but a
drop in the ocean and shall be cherished by me 'til darkness comes to take
me away.
</p>
<!--p class="quote">
When I have nothing left to feel.<br/>
When I have nothing left to say<br/>
I'll just let this slip away.<br/>
<br/>
I feel these engines power down.<br/>
I feel this heart begin to bleed<br/>
as I turn this burning page.<br/>
<br/>
Please forgive me if I bleed.<br/>
Please forgive me if I breathe.<br/>
I have words I need to say.<br/>
Oh so very much to say.<br/>
<br/>
And whose life do I lead?<br/>
And whose blood do I bleed?<br/>
Whose air do I breathe?<br/>
With whose skin now do I feel?<br/>
<br/>
I'm supposed to walk away from here.<br/>
I'm supposed to walk away from here.<br/>
<br/>
And whose life do I lead?<br/>
Whose blood do I bleed?<br/>
Whose air do I now breathe?<br/>
I'm convinced there's nothing more.<br/>
<br/>
The day you died I lost my way.<br/>
The day you died I lost my mind.<br/>
<br/>
What am I supposed to do?<br/>
Is there something more?<br/>
<br/>
The engines power down.<br/>
Like a soldier to his end I go.<br/>
Because I'm convinced<br/>
that there is nothing more.<br/>
<br/>
and whose life do I lead<br/>
and whose air do I breathe?<br/>
With whose skin and whose blood do I feel?<br/>
<br/>
What happens now?<br/>
Have I done something wrong?<br/>
<br/>
Forgive my need to bleed right now.<br/>
Please forgive my need to breathe<br/>
But I've so much to say<br/>
and it wouldn't matter anyway.<br/>
You're not here to hear these words that I must say<br/>
and I'm convinced inside<br/>
that there is nothing more.<br/>
<br/>
Whose life do I lead?<br/>
Whose air do I breathe.<br/>
Whose blood do I now bleed?<br/>
With whose skin now do I feel?<br/>
<br/>
I have nothing left to say.<br/>
I have nothing left to feel.<br/>
Am I supposed to let this go now,<br/>
let darkness come and take you away?<br/>
</p-->
<!--p class="quote">
Speed me towards death<br/>
'Cause I just can't wait for her<br/>
I want her to come<br/>
I want to embrace her<br/>
I've decided it's life<br/>
That I don't like<br/>
That I don't like<br/>
<br/>
Speed me towards death<br/>
'Cause I think she'd go for me<br/>
They say time is the cure<br/>
I can't wait, he's too slow for me<br/>
I've tried all the rest<br/>
Now I want to try the best<br/>
And I'd die for some company<br/>
I'd die for some company<br/>
<br/>
I don't want to die slowly<br/>
I don't want to decay<br/>
I want to be chosen<br/>
I want to be made<br/>
I don't want to die lonely<br/>
And weary of life<br/>
I will not be earthbound<br/>
I'm going to fly<br/>
So speed me towards death<br/>
<br/>
You know I want her to taste me<br/>
My senses are dead<br/>
I want her to awaken me<br/>
I've realised that this<br/>
world at its best<br/>
Is just a prelude to the next<br/>
And it's not what I want to hear<br/>
It's not what I want to read<br/>
<br/>
I don't want to die slowly<br/>
I don't want to decay<br/>
I want to be chosen<br/>
I want to be made<br/>
I don't want to die lonely<br/>
And weary of life<br/>
I will not be earthbound<br/>
I'm gonna fly<br/>
<br/>
For life is a game<br/>
Fit only for fools<br/>
It's a horse that can't win<br/>
In a race rigged to lose<br/>
So speed me towards death
</p-->
