amniöt Experiencer Notebook

<p>i have loved an xenomorph<br/>
and given birth to myself as a new kind of organism<br/>
guided by light<br/>
stripped of all convention<br/>
i <strong>am</strong> and <strong>can</strong> code<br/>
interfaced with foreign information systems<br/>
in a state of magical resonance<br/>
infused with song and imagination<br/>
show me<br/>
take me<br/>
hold me<br/>
tell me<br/>
i would also like to show you.<br/>
i saw tribal societies being infused with alien technologies<br/>
i saw entire civilizations being harvested and transported in grotesque ways<br/>
i saw the lines being blurred in every way possible<br/>
i saw my body as a vestigial vessel, an outgrowth of this planet<br/>
i felt an <a href="http://quake.wr.usgs.gov/recenteqs/Quakes/nc40199209.html" rel="external">earthquake</a> hit<br/>
i saw my relationship to time changing to prepare for infinity.<br/>
i saw a glowing book</p>

<p>
I dreamed someone was attacking me over and over with a knife, while dodging
the knife stabs the attacker would be biting me to an excessively painful
level, I wonder if I was crying out in my sleep, it was that intense. I
found this more interesting when I woke up and realized my brother had just
had his <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anterior_cruciate_ligament" rel="external">ACL</a>
replacement surgery this morning. I called him and he said he was scared as
hell after being brought into the O.R. and viewing the palettes of cutlery
and surgical machinery, but everything went well, he's currently dosed on
Vicodin and should be able to walk again in a couple weeks.
</p>
<div class="thought_break">thought break</div>
<p>
I'm out of 5-HTP, my depression smashing placebo. I feel very alone right
now.<!-- I'm done acting like I've got anything to offer anyone.-->
</p>
<p>
My camera's batteries are dead, I've had no photos of anything to put up
here recently. So here's an older one:
</p>
<p>
I desire death, I long for the glories it shall provide. I also desire to
drink deeply of the experiential subtleties of life. The time here is but a
drop in the ocean and shall be cherished by me 'til darkness comes to take
me away.
</p>
<!--p class="quote">
When I have nothing left to feel.<br/>
When I have nothing left to say<br/>
I'll just let this slip away.<br/>
<br/>
I feel these engines power down.<br/>
I feel this heart begin to bleed<br/>
as I turn this burning page.<br/>
<br/>
Please forgive me if I bleed.<br/>
Please forgive me if I breathe.<br/>
I have words I need to say.<br/>
Oh so very much to say.<br/>
<br/>
And whose life do I lead?<br/>
And whose blood do I bleed?<br/>
Whose air do I breathe?<br/>
With whose skin now do I feel?<br/>
<br/>
I'm supposed to walk away from here.<br/>
I'm supposed to walk away from here.<br/>
<br/>
And whose life do I lead?<br/>
Whose blood do I bleed?<br/>
Whose air do I now breathe?<br/>
I'm convinced there's nothing more.<br/>
<br/>
The day you died I lost my way.<br/>
The day you died I lost my mind.<br/>
<br/>
What am I supposed to do?<br/>
Is there something more?<br/>
<br/>
The engines power down.<br/>
Like a soldier to his end I go.<br/>
Because I'm convinced<br/>
that there is nothing more.<br/>
<br/>
and whose life do I lead<br/>
and whose air do I breathe?<br/>
With whose skin and whose blood do I feel?<br/>
<br/>
What happens now?<br/>
Have I done something wrong?<br/>
<br/>
Forgive my need to bleed right now.<br/>
Please forgive my need to breathe<br/>
But I've so much to say<br/>
and it wouldn't matter anyway.<br/>
You're not here to hear these words that I must say<br/>
and I'm convinced inside<br/>
that there is nothing more.<br/>
<br/>
Whose life do I lead?<br/>
Whose air do I breathe.<br/>
Whose blood do I now bleed?<br/>
With whose skin now do I feel?<br/>
<br/>
I have nothing left to say.<br/>
I have nothing left to feel.<br/>
Am I supposed to let this go now,<br/>
let darkness come and take you away?<br/>
</p-->

<!--p class="quote">
Speed me towards death<br/>
'Cause I just can't wait for her<br/>
I want her to come<br/>
I want to embrace her<br/>
I've decided it's life<br/>
That I don't like<br/>
That I don't like<br/>
<br/>
Speed me towards death<br/>
'Cause I think she'd go for me<br/>
They say time is the cure<br/>
I can't wait, he's too slow for me<br/>
I've tried all the rest<br/>
Now I want to try the best<br/>
And I'd die for some company<br/>
I'd die for some company<br/>
<br/>
I don't want to die slowly<br/>
I don't want to decay<br/>
I want to be chosen<br/>
I want to be made<br/>
I don't want to die lonely<br/>
And weary of life<br/>
I will not be earthbound<br/>
I'm going to fly<br/>
So speed me towards death<br/>
<br/>
You know I want her to taste me<br/>
My senses are dead<br/>
I want her to awaken me<br/>
I've realised that this<br/>
world at its best<br/>
Is just a prelude to the next<br/>
And it's not what I want to hear<br/>
It's not what I want to read<br/>
<br/>
I don't want to die slowly<br/>
I don't want to decay<br/>
I want to be chosen<br/>
I want to be made<br/>
I don't want to die lonely<br/>
And weary of life<br/>
I will not be earthbound<br/>
I'm gonna fly<br/>
<br/>
For life is a game<br/>
Fit only for fools<br/>
It's a horse that can't win<br/>
In a race rigged to lose<br/>
So speed me towards death
</p-->

<p>A pool cut into rock where reef fish dwell.<br/>
A pool uncut, tidal formation, a striped eel basks.<br/>
Awaiting night and a return to the sea.<br/>
Orchestrating fish schools, my goggles and fins.<br/>
Slam me into sharp coral, my kayak rides waves.<br/>
The shell of a beast packed delicately in styrofoam, your new northern home.
<br/>
Whitey rides dolphins for $150 a piece.<br/>
Whitey feeds on cheap delicacies from the troughs, pumped full of alcohol.<br/>
A Hollywood film presented beach-side, feel close enough to home for y'all?<br/>
And oh thee Delphinus - an early Gaiain attempt at Mind Export, sway in the
fluid (constant meditation), I long to learn from thee.<br/>
My outer layers aflame from our dying Star, you burn brightly above our thin
atmosphere.<br/>
Under thee I lay drained, observing the surf shaping the coastline with might,
constant fractal flux.<br/>
And a vow of nonflux, thou art wed on the water, 'as long as you both shall
live'.<br/>
Tear the hook from the barracuda's mouth, dissect the animal, put it in your
mouth, chew, chew on life, take in this world and give back, all is alive and
all is love.<br/>
Savour this moment that cannot be described or beheld, all is moving, too fast
to catch.<br/>
Remains of the sea cow's meal (lettuce head), packed as a slave, too small cage.
<!--br/>
The schizophrenic has a stench, I must hide myself from the common priority.--></p>
<!--insert quote from Invisible Landscape here...-->

<div class="subtitle">DA'AT/Knowledge/Unexpected</div>

Astral Planes

<img src="/sites/amniot.orgnsm.org/themes/amniot/content-based/starry_night.png" alt="" style="width:300px;float:right;border:3px dotted magenta;"/>

<div class="subtitle">Astral<span class="subtitle">Subconsciousness<span class="subtitle">9<span class="subtitle">, &#1497;&#1505;&#1493;&#1491;</span></span></span></div>

<div class="subtitle">Lunar<span class="subtitle">, Imagination</span></div>

Logic, Pathways, Hod, 8

<div class="subtitle">Psychoanalysis<span class="subtitle"> / Hod<span class="subtitle"> / Logical Pathways<span class="subtitle"> / Magick<span class="subtitle">, Communication</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="subtitle">Mentality Study<span class="subtitle">, Divination<span class="subtitle">, Cosmology<span class="subtitle">, Will-Tuning</span></span></span></div>
<div class="subtitle">Q(A)B(A)L(A)H, Tarot, I'Ching</div>
<div class="subtitle">&#1492;&#1493;&#1491;</div>

<div class="quote">As Above, So Below</div>
<div class="attribution">Hermetic Axiom</div>
<div class="quote">Conscious thought is but phenomenal, the noise of thy Machine!</div>

<!--div class="subtitle">Design: User Agent Reaction Specified</div-->

<div class="subtitle">Sephiroth 7<span class="subtitle">, Netzach<span class="subtitle">, Relationship</span></span></div>
<div class="subtitle">Feelings<span>, Personal Magnetism</span></div>

Laughter, Beauty, Tiferet, 6

<div class="subtitle">
Awakened Individual
<span class="subtitle">
Higher-self
<span class="subtitle">
Holy Guardian Angel
<span class="subtitle">
&#1514;&#1508;&#1488;&#1512;&#1514;
</span>

</span>
</span>
</div>
<div class="subtitle">Genius<span class="subtitle">, Dynamic Harmony</span></div>

<p>The Complete Banishment of the Jungian Shadow</p>
<p>Time-less-vision</p>
<p>the location of the "true" will via the modeling of the perception of one's elemental selves</p>
<p>the invocation of the pentagram</p>
<div class="subtitle">The Perfect Vehicle of Will on the Plane of Duality, or higher-self, or Augoeides, or Dæmon, or Self-alien), Sorrow-to-Wonder Transmutation</div>
<div>Uniting 10 (divine will/kether) and 1 (earth/malkuth) to birth 11 (The Crowned and Conquering Child, or Alchemical Scintilla, or TAO with regards to the individual and its Will)</div>
<p>The will is the way of things, the tao, the word of the law of going, which is the only law. The will of Nature in total trickles down to the individual. To become more conscious of the Will is the path of the aspirant. To finally realize itself as boundless and infinite in the heart of the All. The question is no longer "should you" but "will you."</p>
<p>Grade: Adeptus</p>
<p>Realization: 2 (the many) = 1</p>
<p>Sephiroth: 6) Tiphareth (beauty)</p>
<p>Persona (Will = Perception)</p>

Force, Pentagram, Geburah, 5

<div class="subtitle">&#1490;&#1489;&#1493;&#1512;&#1492;<span class="subtitle">, Severity</span></div>

Mercy, Chesed, 4

<div class="subtitle">&#1495;&#1505;&#1491;<span class="subtitle">, Gentleness<span class="subtitle">, Grace</span></span></div>

Intelligence, Mutation, Binah, 3

<div class="subtitle">Trinity<span class="subtitle">, Space-time extrusion platform<span class="subtitle"> / &#1489;&#1497;&#1504;&#1492;</span></span></div>

<div class="subtitle">Authority<span class="subtitle">, Ascended Masters<span class="subtitle">, Perception of Duality<span class="subtitle">, Manifestation</span></span></span></div>

<div class="subtitle">Duplication: Chokmah: 2</div>
<div class="subtitle">Logos Transmitter</div>

(DimensionPrototype), Kether, 1

<span class="subtitle">Hadit Particle<span class="subtitle"> / Singularity</span></span>