<pre>still processing this...... the more i reflect the more amazing it feels.... some highlights:</pre>
<p>the soundsystem camps were so so pleasing to see out in that setting after years of bay area undergrounds... all my acquaintances from that scene were there... the drugs were amazing and i had some of the prettiest and most intense visions ever.... m3sc4line [first time], 5hr00ms, L25, 2-Ci and K were all in my system by the end of the weekend!... the presence of "the other" was at times so overwhelming at one point i literally thought the campgrounds had shifted and left this planet.... had a run-in with an attendee that ended in a tragic event after i left (there's a big long story i have to tell about this but face-to-face seems best).... the only really negative things i have to say are that the folks could've been a bit more inviting and the parties a bit more engaging (too much of the time i'd be the only person in front of a soundsystem dancing).... oh and much much better selection of music than burningman could ever supply! (dubstep, jungle, breakcore, hardcore, tekno, blackmetal, darkambient and of course "experimental" were all represented strongly).... basically, i think you all would've enjoyed it!</p>
<p>i saw heaven, i overcame the possibility of hell, i cried and i writhed in the dirt with ecstatic joy.....</p>
<!--p>def. intense for me too... was not expecting those things to happen... felt very very drawn to you (which is not a new thing) and was having some thoughts/visions that drove me to open to you in that way. after i saw you at katabatik when fauna was playing, i prayed that i would get to hang out with you alone that night.</p-->
<!--p>i feel like i've started to develop crush-type feelings for you again for a while now tho... kataoasis.... TG..... etc... i can't help it when i see you.</p-->
<!--p>[ i had the thought that it would get too intense going to gemini w/you and that i would want to hang out with you there and that it may have been the wrong time for it... but that was only after you asked me to go... before then i had decided not to and i was halfway into a mushroom trip when you offered a ride. ]</p-->
<!--p>the deep pain i've felt and the aggressive manner in which i pushed you away is, to me, simply a sign that i was/am still very interested in you.</p-->
<!--p>i do love you back... even when we are not romantically engaged or if there is some pain in me that wins at controlling... the love is unconditional.</p-->
<!--p>was wondering when you get back... already missing you. we had to leave shortly after i left your tent. was fucking hard to go... staying the rest of the time was all i could think that i wanted. yuri was unyielding to my attempts at staying...</p-->
<!--p>ended up bawling my eyes out right before we left, but not really over leaving, mostly i just FELT so fucking much... my time with you was bliss (both nights), and made all the effort to go worth it for me. not much privacy out there, so people were worried about me, but little of the tears were coming from sadness... bottled feelings pouring out, older knots unraveling, forgiving myself... i said that the crying means i'm doing really well.</p-->
<!--p>want you to know that my intention is to maintain a level of health necessary to be near you... i love you deeply, theorna.</p-->
<!--p>yeah, i had a lot of hard moments there, was not all cool.... much of this had to do with the crustpunk/scumfuck groups that were in attendance... i had to hear men make obscene remarks towards women, overhear that some guy had badly beaten up a woman, etc, i even had to watch a guy die (but that is a longer story).... along with this was a fairly noticeable prejudice towards how i looked, more specifically: that i was not dirty or crusty or had not enough patches on my clothes to fit in with the area we were camped at. i played one trance song out of my car and someone told me to "shut it off because this area of mutantfest doesn't like techno".... the people at the festival seemed intensely dualistically divided... between those interested in aesthetics and those against interest in aesthetics.... thankfully i found enough of the former (acquaintances from underground parties over the years) to stay positive during my time there.... the chemicals and music helped as well :)</p-->
<!--p>i'm not so sure you missed a lot because you were up there early in the week... we saw all of friday and saturday night and it was pretty dead both nights... i wonder when the really happening time to be there is? it was much more fun than burningman has ever been for me... i knew a lot of people there and the aesthetics were much more pleasing and engaging to me, even if it wasn't all that lively most of the time.</p-->
