Cinema
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working on staying there (which cannot directly be worked on, though raising awareness can help). want to feel ok again. can't seem to discover what the fuck is going on in me. i guess i feel neglected, worthless, uncreative... the main illusions of egoic control. it's like a knife is stuck deeply and its wound radiates fire. smoke from that fire clouds all perception. resistance there. my own choice. to be alive is to resist. i can only lessen it through love... as you aptly noted as your intention: "ego - quiet" all clarity so fleeting... trying to understand for so long. seems so easy for so many others. and it really is simple, the simplest things are the hardest to swallow....
Journal Entry
The Insulation Programming of the Emotional Sphere
Friends
Emotion
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grateful for the dreams last night floating across the open desert jumping flipping spinning if i wish i need not come down accepted there weaving patterns with others my mother watches from the sidelines composites of friends, friends to come, families to come. she seems to mock me but i feel her adoration. floating near me. i go on and on spin around to see the direction i'm moving in and bam a tree is right there my legs catch me against it. that tree is in a yard near a small old white farmhouse. her father encourages me inside that house, asks what my move is. "butt float maneuver" i explain my inner balance keeps my ass just off the ground as long as i desire. he says to keep that naming she seems indifferent but i feel it a mask her mother drives us down a dirt road she hands me a cigarette from the front seat she has a shell behind it explodes beauty and i feel she feels our possibility An angel appointed to guard the spirits at their birth....Journal Entry
LAYLA
Dream
Friends
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unless one is attempting to de-power some aspect that has been talking too loudly: calling anything illusion is meaningless, as all is thus. all current illusion is the will of the all. a possibly useful filter: is something based on rejection? That is the darkness (from voyager perspective/plane of duality). Though All is Light on the Absolute plane. the dark is the delusion of the MANY in the voyager... that delusion expresses itself in many ways but is avoidable IF THOU WILT One (of The Many) can accept* (which means compassion) and evolve as said voyager wilt. *full acceptance means dissolving into the void That will guides Nuit and her company Hadit. These infinites compose the unification deities of the aeons of the manifestation planes....Journal Entry
All is Arbitrary, Temporary Illusion / All is Light
WISDOM
Yoga
Emotion
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{connect visually in illustrator} the ego is a "protective" layer/program, leftover from the tribal survivalist operating-system. it is a system that can assume the identity of the greater self it is a system that is created by feedback from your environment it is not the true self but a hallucinated idea of an unknowable assumption about how others perceive thee. ego underhandedly tries to control other incarnated beings to "make" them do things to bolster that ego back into safety-mode when it is alarmed by possibilities of death or pain caused by insecurity/dis-integration/un-acceptance, naught else. ego tries to cling to feelings, that is what feeds it, by negatively cycling the feeling until a breaking point is reached and the voyager lashes-out thereby sending violent disruption into social environ and connected beings. it is therefor irrelevant to spirit-ape for the spirit-ape desires peace and freedom to operate closest to its true will, that is: with a minimum of internal friction. the desires of spirit (emotion) transcend the concerns of the physical plane of realit...Journal Entry
'Understanding Nebula' Labyrinth Game
Cosmology
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Remaining Faithful to Unity thereby dissolving Blame and Guilt Programming Feel: that truth is a feeling. and as such has little to do with the 'true or false' duality platform, inwhich all things are both. this realization though can become the Unity perceived, the circle completed: an orgasm if one is to surrender to its ecstasy. it means a shedding of illusory constructs, realizing true blends 100% into false. these and other constructs make us who we are currently. the infinite possibility of existence, fluctuating compliments, all beautiful as all be. Process: as the past (which can never again be experienced) drives the experiencer to cling to things like antiquated tendencies of the lower-dimensional realities, the searing radiation of truth burns inward from the future. almost too painful to bare, as freedom overwhelms the loveplay-weary voyager: i ask if this is 'the moment we've all been waiting for' - shivering, sobbing in the cold wind - replies: yeahhssss. Surrender: so, expose my pride, dance on my resistance, soak my necessity in warm spit, dissect my competitiveness survival-program...Journal Entry
Balance Winds Oozing Dichotomic Awareness
Friends
Cosmology
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i had this dream where i was this creature. there was a girl and boy there, they were a couple. i asked them if they felt nothing for me. they acted ashamed to say yes. another creature like me appears. though i know it is a strong opponent i have no fear nor do i believe there is any possibility but victory. i can jump and fall down immense distances with this body. there is no harming it. ...Journal Entry
Large Dolphinskin Creature
Dream
Friends
Bioform
