1995Aug27
Typical Children 40
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LAYLALAI
stir my no-thing-trance
The purpose of conscious life is to learn lessons about the nature of creation (the verb) and to add to the delicate fine subtle fabric thereunto...
Harmony
Journal Entry
Cosmology
2010
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DESIRE DEMANDS
DESIRE DEMANDS THAT I DO NOT DEMAND
FOR DEMANDED DESIRE FULFILLMENT IS NOT WHOLISTIC...
Emotion
Journal Entry
2010
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Cogito Ergo Sum
cogito ergo sum
the boundaries that i can *sense* are my controllable boundaries
i am, because i can cognize my own existence
the ego becomes necessary once more, at the level of interacting with people
when you cannot cognize that you are them. I FEEL the boundary, even though
it doesn't OBJECTIVELY exist... the o...
(Type)Wisdom
Friends
Journal Entry
2010
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Binding = Freedom
Boundaries bind, the yoke frees....
Thought
Journal Entry
2009
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Portal to $$$
Running through mansion evading a group of young adults with
guns. Find a bathroom to hide in. Ceiling of bathroom turns
into a portal. Portal leads to large underground crawlspace
with large sacks of money.
...
Journal Entry
Dream
2009
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Disappearance Take 2
no one seems to care about other people's darkness.. so i'm just sealing it off until i trust that someone truly is
healing seems pretty much a personal thing, trying to help is like a termite trying to assist a NASA mission...
the rejection i feel is not really anyone else's concern
i guess i only tried to include oth...
Friends
Journal Entry
2009
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Un consciousss
last night: car was stolen, miranda was there trying to help
two nights ago: teleporting snakes in the back of a van, yuri driving...
Dream
Journal Entry
2009
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Effort = Surrender
mind and body are both mind
the shaman must live at the edge of the village
off the beaten path of culture
healing the sick
through lifeforce connect
informational downloads
through psychotropic ingestion
locks and keys appear...
Hallucination
Friends
Journal Entry
2009
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Plunge
moving through an aqua channel [not really a river - maybe 30ft across].
come upon an edge ending at an immense waterfall [maybe 10-15 second freefall to the bottom].
group of us are there with some sort of instructor. lizzy is there, speaking about the jump-to-come and the backpak with our already-thrashed food.
m...
Dream
Friends
Journal Entry
2009
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Dual Reply
2=1=0! :)
all aspects reconcilable...
boundaries are temporary illusions...
the division is for the chance of union and beyond moral judgement...
though i do agree it is harmful for this species to continue its blind faith in the dual, i realize it has gotten us where it has...
also, i believe that magick can be used a...
Yoga
Cosmology
Journal Entry
2009
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AMF13 Journal
still processing this...... the more i reflect the more amazing it feels.... some highlights:
the soundsystem camps were so so pleasing to see out in that setting after years of bay area undergrounds... all my acquaintances from that scene were there... the drugs were amazing and i had some of the prettiest and most intens...
Autonomous Mutant Festival XIII
Friends
Hallucination
Journal Entry
2009
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starting hir day, rebirth, change fractal cascade
watching the labyrinth walls
blueprinting metamorphosis along its way
i/o balancing....
[the ego *is* a structure:
"false" in its pretenses,
"evil" in its raw expression
and essentially "hollow" as it may be,
it contains a "personality",
which is a dualing input/output stream of pure lifeforce]
...all t...
Harmony
Cosmology
Journal Entry
2009
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Compassion Wishes
i love mine path, it is perfect. i will do all in my power to free it to the utmost. no paths dictate worth towards my own.
from now on i will realize what other people do is not ever an attack on me. Even if they feel they're attacking me it is impossible for violence not to be only an attack on yourself and who am I to a...
Friends
Emotion
Journal Entry
2009
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Transgressions?
huh
this rando drunk jock type dude @ 1015
said the darndest things....
something about how i'm "too nice"
in the face of the harsh and fucked up world
and also that i open myself up to all
transgressions by being "too beautiful"
these are paraphrases....
don't quite know what to make of it...
don't reall...
Friends
Journal Entry
2009
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Forest Witch House
adventuring through a forest with some kids
come across this young girl who takes us down a path
to come to this closedup house, like all squashed together
she had been sleeping in a little section where the house
meets the ground and there was a sleeping bag there like a cocoon
we somehow hit some button that caus...
Journal Entry
Dream
2009
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Block Universe Plane, Emanating a No Free-Will Perspective?
not only do all passed events make up what you currently are, but all future events as well - this is called closed time-cube cosmology....
(Path)Fool
Cosmology
Journal Entry
2009
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Up-down Resonance
THE LE MA
is the label of
the resonation
on all planes...
(Path)Fool
Journal Entry
2009
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The Insulation Programming of the Emotional Sphere
working on staying there (which cannot directly be worked on, though raising
awareness can help).
want to feel ok again. can't seem to discover what the fuck is going on in me. i
guess i feel neglected, worthless, uncreative... the main illusions of egoic
control. it's like a knife is stuck deeply and its wound radiates...
Friends
Emotion
Journal Entry
2009
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LAYLA
grateful for
the dreams
last night
floating across
the open desert
jumping
flipping
spinning
if i wish
i need not
come down
accepted there
weaving patterns
with others
my mother watches
from the sidelines
composites of friends,
friends to come,
families to come.
she seems to mock me
but i feel her ...
Dream
Journal Entry
Friends
2009
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All is Arbitrary, Temporary Illusion / All is Light
unless one is attempting to de-power some aspect that has been talking too loudly: calling anything illusion is meaningless, as all is thus. all current illusion is the will of the all.
a possibly useful filter: is something based on rejection? That is the darkness (from voyager perspective/plane of duality).
Though A...
(Type)Wisdom
Yoga
Emotion
Journal Entry
2009
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AnUNioN for Σ
Journal Entry
Diagram
Yoga
Cosmology
2009
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'Understanding Nebula' Labyrinth Game
{connect visually in illustrator}
the ego is a "protective" layer/program,
leftover from the tribal survivalist operating-system.
it is a system that can assume the identity of the greater self
it is a system that is created by feedback from your environment
it is not the true self but a hallucinated idea of an u...
Cosmology
Journal Entry
2009
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Balance Winds Oozing Dichotomic Awareness
Remaining Faithful to Unity thereby dissolving Blame and Guilt Programming
Feel: that truth is a feeling. and as such has little to do with the 'true or false' duality platform, inwhich all things are both. this realization though can become the Unity perceived, the circle completed: an orgasm if one is to surrender to i...
Friends
Cosmology
Yoga
Sky
Journal Entry
2009
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Effort Confusion '09
Cosmology
Thought
Friends
Yoga
Journal Entry
2009
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Large Dolphinskin Creature
i had this dream where i was this creature.
there was a girl and boy there, they were a couple.
i asked them if they felt nothing for me.
they acted ashamed to say yes.
another creature like me appears.
though i know it is a strong opponent
i have no fear nor do i believe
there is any possibility but victory.
i c...
Journal Entry
Dream
Friends
Bioform
2009
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Engagements
I find that if i engage to rapidly changing music i can find myself sending myself instructions from ahead of time....
Emotion
Anatomy
Connectivity
Journal Entry
2009
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Morality and Destiny are Matters of Dimensionality
The moment one suppresses the true self* is the moment that that self attempts to
manipulate the way others perceive it. This is the physical-body-oriented
ill-intent that the ego expresses from the human organism... Which can spiral into
mental pathology for many modern persons like myself. Though no thing can be
good ...
Cosmology
Friends
Journal Entry
2009
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Trapt
...just had a dream in which i became pretty much fully conscious towards the
end of. i could not break out of it, trapped in the subconscious...
in the dream i had woken up in my bed (how cinematique) and there
were people in my house taking all my stuff away, cleaning and
painting over all the items i had placed ...
Journal Entry
Dream
2009
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Mantric Programs
engage to the moment
[past and future worry does no good]
desire for result is lame
[experience of the process is beauty]
ask your angel to act through you
[expressing its desires in the form of impulses]...
Emotion
Journal Entry
2008
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ghostbeetlebloodwater
it's my birthday
what the fuck do i care about that?
so fucking drunk
so split-knuckled
fucking dumb drunk
knuckles against wood
let me in
i'm alone on the cold concrete
of my expensive apartment
yet not alone
yet so not fucking alone
so alone
crusting blood trickles
knuckles
now i want more
where did i lea...
Hallucination
Emotion
Friends
(Type)Wisdom
Journal Entry
2008
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Birthgasm
embodying pure emanations of nature
biting the white hot blade of love
illuminating exit holes in the death-cycle
for every action not-taken there exists a concrescing birth-orgasm
my mind rejects your dogma like viral-infection
the drama is nice but what about that climax?
(there's no such thing as too much lubricati...
Hallucination
Friends
Culture
(Type)Wisdom
Journal Entry
2008
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Numinosity
I am within you, and of you.
At any slice in time of my existence any number of hyperdimensional situations are taking place, conducted by "the Collective Unconscious", socalled
which could mean that the gateway to hyperlight communication must also exist, if one were to be so inclined as to invoke thine brothers and sist...
(Type)Wisdom
Harmony
Yoga
Emotion
Cosmology
Journal Entry
2008
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Thoth
i dreamt about you
you were dragging me through middle america on a jet ski
the farm lands were flooded
a large fish jumped out of the water as if to bite off your head but its nose only brushed the top of your hair as we sped by, at this moment time slowed way down
(i feel like you were a man earlier in the dream and h...
Dream
Friends
Journal Entry
2008
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Skeleton City War Photos
I dreamt I was a paratrooper-type soldier in a war. I kept thinking it was WWII, but then it seemed like it was post-modern-apocalyptic...
At any rate, we were in an abandoned city, hiding the helicopter in the metal skeleton of a tall building. We did not contact anyone outside the chopper for the length of the dream.
T...
Journal Entry
Dream
Friends
2008
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Thine Angel
Would you say to thine angel How can I best serve mankind? ? Or perhaps you wish to dance in the fields and build narrartives of enchanted contextual situatia in order to perpetuate The Great Mystery? Can these coincide? I believe so. And belief is all I have. I'd like to do this by creating and showing physical representat...
Journal Entry
Dream
2008
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Shared Experience
black and gold machine elves
total astral enrapturment
contents of my mind exposed and outstretched in 3-space
stellar travel flip-book style navigation controller
connecting with arboreal squid-gorillas
-Anoml/naughtnaut
...
Hallucination
Friends
Toys
83 McAllister St. #112
Journal Entry
2008
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Whale Song
I had a dream that I was asking a researcher about audio recordings of whales in an office styled room. The researcher told me they had a large tank in the back that could hold a whale for listening purposes. We went out to the tank to see a large sail boat pulling in from a channel connecting it to the (natural) bay nearby...
Dream
Journal Entry
2008
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Simplistic Ascension Model
Yes, mind puzzles, that's what excites me- magic, hacking, visualizing, creating. And, also: The drive to dissolve mental boundaries.
I noticed that few appreciate the meaning of aesthetics.
why do I try so hard? it has become culturally-sanctioned to behave atrociously, I don't wish t...
Cosmology
Emotion
Journal Entry
Diagram
2007
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Belief
what you think is actually really true! what kind of pompous idea is that? that you could possibly possess truth?
what APPEARS to be true TO YOU, RIGHT NOW
...
Thought
Journal Entry
2007
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Discord
Somehow, I feel free right now.
classy clothing
a good job, for sure-
kiss him out on the street
in the cold fog of evening.
don't look at my eyes,
yours are the same-
scorpion destruction,
i know your kind well
i won't start
and nor will you.
all i want to know is-
how aware are you?
do you kn...
Friends
Emotion
Journal Entry
2007
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